just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
