nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
