On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
