So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
