So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
