TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
