i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
