i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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