i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A+ Viking dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
