I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
