There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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