I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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