mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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