I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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