O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
