who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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