Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
