Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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