Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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