I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
