I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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