She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
