i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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