Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
