I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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