Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
