she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
