he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
