All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need water and some morals
Randomize
