do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
