Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
