Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
