Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
