her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
