omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
