I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i barfeds in our rink
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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