why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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