She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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