Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
