we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
