You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
