I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
