we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
