My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
