Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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