I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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