Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
