how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
