Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
