I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
