Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
