I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
