He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
