I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
